Wow, this last week has gone ridiculously quickly. First things' first - I have my surgery tomorrow. BLOODY HELL! I got called up this time last week, and it seems there had been a cancellation. The funny thing was I had called the surgeon's PA just the week before, and she said there were about 10 people in front of me, and they usually get through 1 a week, so I'm amazed that it's come about so fast.
So, I went for my (final) presurgery assessment last Friday. Same lady as before - she remembered me, and was actually really lovely this time round. Still slightly lacking in the brain department (or maybe it's just the way she acts), but she sweetly said she'd come in and see me after I'd had my surgery. Also asked to meet the surgeon's PA, who is literally the loveliest woman. Walked into her office and said who I was, and she rushed up and gave me a massive hug - was definitely enough to get me welling up. I think she's very used to people being so emotional - it's a big step to change your life like this, and perhaps a bigger step (for me at least) admitting that I can't seem to manage to do it any other way.
Anyway, presurgery stuff was fine, and I'm expected at 7.30am at the day surgery tomorrow... There's some check-in/fill in form time etc, then you get registered on the ward, and I think surgery is any time between 9am-1pm. On the basis there are no complications (very much hope not! fingers crossed!) the surgery should take an hour or less. Then back to ward, no water etc for 4 hours (sleep time), then sips of water throughout the afternoon. The surgeon does his assessment between 6-7pm in the evening, and on the basis he is happy and you can pee (!), you can go home.
I am very slightly in denial. It seems like such a long time in coming, that I can't honestly believe that it's going to happen. I know that from tomorrow onwards I'm on a liquid diet for a month, and then mushy/mashed stuff for another 2-4 weeks after that. I'm not bothered about the things I can't really eat again, as none are particular favourites of mine (red meat, chewing gum, rice, bread, fizzy drinks), but I'm not sure it's sunk in that (once the band if inflated) I will not be able to eat a "normal" sized meal again.
Had a good chat with A about all of this stuff. She had her first fill after 3 months or so (that seems like ages!), and before this she was very upset about the fact that her eating wasn't restricted (ie no change in stomach size). On the basis I have a month of liquid and a month of mush (easy peasy - cutting everything out is the easy party, especially after LighterLife for 4 months), I therefore only have a month where I have to deal with myself, so to speak. A friend asked me about this the other night, and the same old phrase "and perhaps you won't want to overeat/be rubbish to your body" came up. I think if you're thin, it's hard to understand that it's not a case of "wanting" or "not wanting" to do anything. Maybe I'll have more willpower in that month - who knows? With any luck having chosen to put myself under the knife, and take on all the risk that surgery brings, my mind will never wander to any kind of overindulgence again. If I'm honest I think this is naive. The band, once filled, will be a constant physical reminder of not to eat (and being full quickly), but studies show that if the band is removed, the ex-bandster generally starts to put weight back on again.
These are probably not the most helpful things to think about right before surgery, but I am worried that it won't work, and that I'll find a way to cheat it. Thank GOD I don't like milkshake, and I don't plan to even try one of these over the next months just in case I find out I do! (have heard these are the biggest reasons for weightloss failure after being banded).
I have been consciously trying to tick off the "lasts" (sounds morbid) in a bid to realise that this is actually happening. If I'm to give up food for a few months, I need to find the tastiest things possible! Last night I had a roast chicken salad with avocado and v expensive mozarrella (divine), with some bacon frazzles (gross - I now remember why I only eat those about once a year) and some chocolate organe (terry's, I will miss you). In about 20 mins I'm going out to meet a friend for lunch, and as this is kind my "last meal", I have requested something with chorizo.
The nurse said I can have food till midnight tonight, but I thought some soup would be sensible this evening (might as well start as I mean to go on). I can drink water up until 5 in the morning, and then...that's it!
I booked my holiday for Ibiza yesterday. It's not till August, but was great to sort out the apartment and flights. As the friends' I'm going with said, def something to aim for. I just want to wish away the time and wish it were here now....
Another semi-good thing happened in the last month (and on the basis this blog is called "LOVE and a lap band" I thought I should mention it). I got asked out twice in the street (well, actually on the tube). This has happened to me every now and then (I obviously have "mug" written on my forehead), but for once one of the guys that chatted to me actually seemed lovely. Just a few years older than me, similar interests, intelligent, sparky, and I fancied him a lot. Technology is failing me today otherwise I would have posted a pic of him.
We went out on a few dates, I really liked him, he talked the talk, said all these amazing and lovely things, we slept together, he never called me. Same-old-same-old. The bad side is that he is a tosser (and my judgement is obviously rubbish), but the good side is knowing that someone can fancy me even when I am so overweight. No doubt if and when I'm "thin" I won't have men falling at my feet to marry me, but at least (hopefully) I won't get people looking at me like I'm an overweight freak.
Must dash to lunch. See you on the other side...